Self-esteem- “Confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect!”

Self-esteem shapes how you view yourself, interact with others, and navigate life’s ups and downs. International Self-Esteem Awareness Month reminds you that your self-worth is invaluable and that you have the power to nurture a healthier, more positive self-image.

If you struggle with self-esteem, know that you are not alone. It can affect anyone, regardless of background, age, or success. Self-doubt can hold you back, increase anxiety, and make you question your abilities. But the truth is, self-esteem is not set in stone—you can grow and strengthen it. With the help of supportive techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), you can learn to reframe negative thoughts and develop a more profound sense of self-compassion.

Understanding Causes of Low Self-Esteem

It is essential to recognize where low self-esteem comes from so you can begin to shift your perspective. Here are some common reasons you might feel this way:

1. Your Past Experiences – Harsh criticism or negative messages from caregivers, teachers, or peers might have made you doubt your worth.
   
2. Comparing Yourself to Others – In a world filled with social media highlights, it is easy to compare yourself to a manufactured ideal, feel like you’re not enough. Just remember, those posts do not show the full picture and lead to unrealistic strandards and feelings of inadequacy.
   
3. Perfectionism – Holding yourself to impossible standards can make you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough.
   
4. Painful Memories – Trauma, bullying, or adversity can leave lasting scars on your self-perception, and deeply impact your self-worth.
   
5. Your Inner Voice – The way you talk to and about yourself matters. Constant self-criticism reinforces feelings of unworthiness.
   
6. Society’s Expectations – Societal messages about success, beauty, and achievement can make you feel like you fall short.
7. Vulnerability – By shifting from fear and shame to vulnerability and empathy, we open ourselves to true belonging and fulfillment

Reframing Negative Thoughts Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps you recognize and challenge unhelpful thoughts. Try these techniques to shift your mindset:

1. Recognizing Negative Thought Patterns (Cognitive Distortions)

Certain thought patterns might be making you feel worse. Many of us have irrational and exaggerated thought patterns, left unaddressed can lead to low self-esteem.

Some common ones include:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: “If I fail at this, I am a complete failure.”
• Overgeneralization: “I always mess things up.”
• Personalization: “They didn’t respond to my message—they must not like me.”

Instead, try telling yourself: “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I’ve done many things well.”

2. Challenge Self-Critical Thoughts

Ask yourself:

• Is this thought based on facts or assumptions; what evidence supports this thought?
• What would I say to a close friend who felt this way?
• Can I find any evidence that contradicts this belief?

By questioning your thoughts, you can start seeing yourself in a more balanced and compassionate way.

3. Practice Self-Kindness

3. Practice Self-Kindness

Your words to yourself matter. Instead of being your harshest critic, try being your biggest supporter. Replace self-judgment with words like, “I am trying my best, and that is enough.”

Strengthening Self-Worth with Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) adds additional tools to help you manage emotions and build resilience. Here are some ways for you to nurture your self-esteem:

1. Mindfulness: Stay in the Present

Your mind may replay past mistakes or worry about the future (anxiety), but you can choose to focus on the here and now. Noticing your negative self-talk without judgment can bring your attention back to the present moment.

2. Coping with Difficult Feelings

When self-doubt creeps in, try grounding techniques like deep breathing, listening to music, or engage in a soothing activity.

3. Recognizing and Managing Your Emotions

Your feelings are valid, but they do not have to control your self-worth. Learn to recognize your emotional triggers and find healthier ways to respond. Often practicing gratitude or engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment create a deeper sense of self.

4. Building Confidence in Relationships

Your self-worth is not defined by how others see you. Practice setting healthy boundaries, saying no when needed, and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are.

Resources to Help You Along the Way

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Here are some resources that can help:

Therapy and Support Groups

• If you find yourself struggling with self-esteem, a trained therapist can provide guidance focusing on your specific needs.
• Support groups can connect you with others who identify with and understand what you are going through.

Books

• The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
• The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown
• Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff

Apps

• Calm – Meditation and mindfulness
• Moodfit – Self-improvement and mental wellness tracking